My Faith Story — Part 2: Rescued by Love

…but here’s the thing about fresh starts: the old self doesn’t get left behind just because you hop on a plane.

I hopped on that plane with no idea what a treasure—and a rescue—God had in store for me. I had no idea He would save me from my insecurities, from my feelings of not enough, from the web of lies I was still spinning, from living for myself with just a little of Him served as a side dish.

I enrolled at a Christian university on both academic and music scholarships, studying to become a teacher. Life was full: campus rallies, late-night food runs, a mission trip to Panama. The thing about me? I know how to have a good time. I know how to work hard. I know how to laugh until I can’t breathe and climb to the top of my class. From the outside, I’m sure it looked like I had it all together. And honestly, I loved my life. I loved the Lord and I genuinely sought to follow Him.

But here’s the thing about fresh starts: the old self doesn’t get left behind just because you hop on a plane.

Inside, I found myself still wrestling with the same old battles—nothing had magically changed. Insecurity. Approval-seeking. Toxic relationships. I was still hopping from guy to guy, while clinging to one back in California who only hurt me more. I just couldn’t escape myself. Much of the time, I hated who I was and wished I could be someone different.

I still don’t fully understand why. How could someone with incredible parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends—with good experiences, success in school, and a strong work ethic—struggle so deeply in her own mind? I honestly don’t know. But I do know that I was crippled by it.

Not many people know this, but I would regularly hide under my bed sheets, paralyzed by my thoughts. There was so much I couldn’t overcome, so much I didn’t like about myself, and so much I didn’t understand about God. Outwardly, I was living, laughing, and achieving. But inside, I was hurting.

Until one day.

I was walking up the hill to my apartment when I heard heavy footsteps racing up behind me. They slowed to match mine, and when I turned, I found myself staring into the sparkling blue eyes of a giant of a man. I tripped on a pile of leaves, we exchanged a quick hello, and then went our separate ways.

Little did I know, that man would change my life.

God would use him to rescue me. To help me sort through my mess. To listen. To speak truth. To offer grace upon grace.

Even now, I cry writing this. Because the type of crazy I was—the kind no one on the outside saw—he stayed through it. And God used him to lead me into the fullness of His love.

Stephen pointed me back to the King who gave everything just to have me.

He reminded me daily of my worth in Christ.

And friends, he wasn’t just faithful—he was also the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on. A baller. A man’s man. A giant teddy bear.

Through him, I began to learn how to fight back against the lies. How to take up the sword of the Spirit and the shield of faith. How to live confident in my worth.

For the first time, I looked in the mirror and felt beautiful
—not because of Stephen’s love, but because I finally believed in Christ’s love.

And now, I can truly say I love who I am—because I see myself the way He does.

I began to speak my own opinions, rather than fading into the voices around me.

Because of Christ’s love.

I learned to face triggering situations with clarity and peace.

Because of Christ’s love.

I don’t know how Stephen is mine, but every day I thank God for sending him to me.

By God’s grace, I was no longer haunted by my past, no longer consumed by insecurity, no longer crushed by the approval of others.

Over those years of college and into our first five years of marriage, I became truly free.

But up ahead, trials awaited.
This time, though, I would carry all I needed—even when the love of my life, the very one who led me closer to Jesus, would…

More to come on the next post. 🫶🏼